I'm a better hypocrite than Christian

I’m not a very good Christian, instead I’m a much better hypocrite, especially when it comes to forgiveness. I can even quote a couple of passages from the bible where we are clearly told to forgive such as:

Matthew 6
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

or

Epheisians 4
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

My problem is that intellectually I know forgiveness is the right thing to do, but I’m not sure I would be able to forgive in all instances, although I can think of at least two cases where I have forgiven someone, although it’s taken me many years, and it wasn’t planned.

I’m talking about my high school nemesis, Simon Smith, who made life hell for my first two years of school, and I can still vividly picture that first day of class when the misery began.

I was the lone student from a small country school with only 30 kids, suddenly thrust into the city high school with over 1000 students. I never realised how sheltered my life had been up to that point, but that rapidly changed.

For some reason Simon and his friends started sniggering at me in class and during that very first morning break discovered that I had ‘homogrips.’ Simon was referring to the tufts of hair that hung down in front of my ears. Simon would sneak up and pull on them and call me a faggot. Apparently my boyfriend is supposed to hold onto them from behind while he does his business.

Nobody likes to be called names, and while I’m not gay, to be called gay in an all boys’ high school when you’re only 13yrs old, set me up for two years of pain because the accusation stuck. As a result I had over a dozen fist fights in that first year alone, although the first fight was completely one sided. Simon’s friend Brendan was a boxer and decided to rearrange my face within the second week of school because he didn’t’ like gays.

The beating was so bad the doctor had to cut open my right eyelid and squeeze out the blood so he could check the eye was ok, although fortunately my broken nose didn’t need straightening, and the holes in my lower lip where my teeth had gone through would heal quickly.

Simon managed to avoid getting hurt because his strategy would be to verbally assault then back off quickly and let other , usually bigger acquaintances, do the physical stuff.

As for Brendan the boxer, he seemed ‘sorry’ in the letter of apology he had to write, but his remorse only lasted one year, and in the 4th form things came to a head when he jumped on my lunchbox, squashing mum’s lovingly made whole-meal tomato, lettuce and chive club sandwiches.

Brendan didn’t seem to expect me to hit back even when I had my fists raised, blocking the entrance to the classroom, as he kept walking forward directly into my oncoming fist. He was floored and the fight over. It seems all those fights in that first year of school hadn’t been a total waste.

High school did settle down although that was mainly because by the third year of high school we were no longer in the same class, and while there was peace between us, there was no love lost between us, and once our school days were over we never saw each other again.

Thirty years later and through the power of social media, I’ve come in contact with Simon and Brendan. A mutual friend asked what I would do if I ever met them in person and I did picture myself finally getting a few good punches onto Simon’s smirking face or reciprocating the broken nose Brendan had given me, but instead told my friend that if I saw them again, I hope we could have a beer together and put the past behind us.

My old high school friend told Simon and Brendan this, and he said they were surprised by my offer and would like to have a beer together.

Showing kindness when unexpected seems to catch people off guard, like an arrow that slips through a gap in the armor and strikes right at the heart. I think this is why Jesus tells us to not only love our enemy, but to turn the other cheek, as found in Matthew 5







38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.

My story of forgiveness seems trivial when compared to the great atrocities that make news around the world, like the victims of the 2017 Texas church massacre where 26 people were killed in the pews.

Listening to some of the victims' relatives forgive the shooter is something I’m not sure I could do, even though I know I’m supposed to do so. In fact why would someone forgive a person for such an evil act? How does forgiving someone help me?

The most obvious reason to forgive is because the bible tells us so and because Jesus forgave those who put him on the cross, and we’re to follow his example. But is there more to it than simply following orders?

It wasn’t until watching a video about Eva Moses Kor - who is a holocaust survivor – that I began to realise that forgiveness seems to help those doing the forgiving.

Eva and her twin sister had suffered in Auschwitz under the hands of that monster Josef Mengele and his henchmen, and came to international attention when she publicly forgave one of the doctor’s – Dr. Munch – who had worked with Mengele.

Eva explains that when she eventually chose to forgiven him, she discovered
‘I had the power to forgive. No one could give me that power, no one could take it away. It was all mine to use in any way I wished.’

It took her four months to write the letter of forgiveness, but when she finally gave the letter to Dr Munch, she describes how she felt free from Dr. Munch and Mengele. She then goes on to describe that forgiveness is an act of ‘self-healing, self liberation, self-empowerment.’

Eva is not alone in describing the healing power of forgiveness, but her story is powerful, and I encourage others to forgive, even when I’m not sure I could be so forgiving.

It's also why I'm a much better hypocrite than Christian.